Category: Letters


Seasons

The warm glow quickly faded. Gifts could be that way as the river of the present moment snaked its way around the bend from one village to the next in ever constant motion. The present moment, thought Em, but a knife’s edge between what was and what was to come. Stay too long and you were likely to get cut. If only we saw sadness and worry and doubt as the same stowaways.

Writing helped. Moving to her desk, the distant cosmos displayed before her, she opened the drawer and pulled out her stationary. In the upper corner she jotted #164.

Dear Father,

I’m feeling a bit melancholy so I hope you don’t mind. I just don’t feel there is anyone else who wants to hear my troubles at the moment. Fact is, I feel silly and selfish when I compare my concerns to what everyone else onboard is experiencing. Yet, still, how does one shake the doldrums, regardless of how small, when they take up residence in your mind like a reluctant stubborn mule, blocking out all sane perspective.

In the past I’ve compared space travel with sailing the seas, as we did so many times. I feel I’ve misled you father. There is very little they have in common, or so it seems at the moment. For instance, seasons. You know how I used to always complain about winter. How it took all the fun out of sailing. And the spring rains too. I did my fair share of complaining about them too.

Well, in space, you have no seasons. Temp onboard is always the same. No rain, no snow, no cool fresh air, no wind, no real sun. Life feels sterile without the seasons, nature’s gentle reminder of change, of the cycle of life and death. What I would give to stand on the bow one more time and feel the spring rains wash over me. There is no rain in space. There are no seasons. There is no sense of the cycle but rather just a steady constant sameness, a maddening unrelentingly suffocating sterility.

You see, but you can’t touch. Space looks cold, is cold. You feel entombed in the very metal and glass that pretends to be home. Imagine if you could never leave the interior of your ship, never feel the warm sun on your face or the wind in your hair, taste the salty sea spray on your lips or hear the hark of birds signaling port was soon to follow. And imagine that the sun neither rose nor set and the stars were forever changing, familiar patterns left long ago. We pretend we are going somewhere and in those pretensions, father, we ward off insanity.

Speaking of which, there is no sound either. The sound of crickets, that wonderful sound of connection to something alive, something living and breathing and communicating, a sound as dear and sweet as a baby’s lullaby; or the sound of the leaves rustling across the path on a hike in the mountains dancing with the wind in faded oranges and yellows and reds like precocious children pretending they don’t know you are watching them. You never quite appreciate those sounds until space robs them from you, tries to erase them from your memory with the antiseptic of time; and you find yourself becoming bitter at the very nature you claim to miss. And don’t even get me started on the sound of the ocean kissing the warm sands of home, a sound as soothing and maternal as the womb. Space is like that—womb-less and frigid, uninviting and unforgiving. And to think we dreamed of travel like this.

Speaking of the womb, I often wonder what a child born in space, reared in space, in the womb of this ship, I wonder if they would be like me or you. I wonder how the lack of touch and smell and sight and sound would shape them into something I wouldn’t recognize. Father, I feel, like the hands of space and time are shaping me now, changing me and it scares the bejanus out of me. If we don’t find a home soon, I’m afraid you won’t recognize me and more over, I’m deathly afraid I won’t recognize myself. Ever look in the mirror and wonder who that is staring back at you? I did yesterday, for the first time.

Of time, well, I have all the time in the world now to paint and draw. You would think I would have a whole collection of stuff. And I do. But guess what. It’s soulless. It took a sketch of Rog I did for Yul to open my eyes. Every sketch of a planet, a star, a solar system, another vessel, all of it soulless, cold, lifeless—just like the expanse of space. What is a planet without context, without a story, without connection, without relationship? As cold as a witch’s tit on the day after carnival—please excuse my language father. I’ll snap out of this. Perhaps with the next bend.

And so I wonder, would that child grow up soulless, something less than a full-blooded breathing smelling touching Hynerian? Or would they slap my parochial self-centeredness back into some semblance of reality? I don’t know anymore, but I do know I appreciate you listening to my gibberish. Does help. Really does.

Speaking of help, I should really shut down my pity party and go see if I can be of service. As always, missing you tons.

Love,

Em

Sealed with a kiss, Em slid number 164 directly behind 163 and closed the drawer in unison to the sound of her comm.

“Em, Trev here. I’m picking up some data abnormalities. Could you provide me with your assistance on the bridge?”

“Be there is just a sec Trev.” Em grabbed her stuff and walked over to the mirror. “I’m not sure who you are but I suppose I better get use to having you around. Now buck up sister.”

Commentary on the Metaphor: Seasons

Categories: Story, Emy, Letters, Trev

Letters

Em walked across her quarters and stood in front of her window. Like all the other quarters on Bravo, the entire forward wall of her main living area was a window to the universe. Em soaked in the magnificent view and took a deep breath, her chest rising with the slow sure steadiness of the morning sun. Standing in front of the window was as close to standing on the bow of her father’s ship as she could get. The resounding smack of the bow embracing each wave remained ever present in her mind’s ear. Only the fresh cool salty sea spray kissing her face and the warm southern breeze teasing her hair were lacking.

One other thing was missing. Like the memory of her first kiss, Sam had joyfully followed her everywhere onboard her father’s ship. The memory of him sticking his nose in the air over the bow with the wind blowing his hair back behind his ears always brought a smile to her face. All he needed was a scarf and goggles and she was sure he would have taken flight. He seemed to enjoy sailing the Nusian seas as much as she did. She missed his soft fur rubbing against her tanned leg, the wagging of his tongue and the joy and happiness he brought with his unconditional love. Sam was about the best pampus a girl could ever want. He would have liked the view on Bravo. If only she could see his tail wagging with enthusiasm one more time.

Em had placed her desk just a few feet in front of her massive view of the cosmos. Moving around the backside, she pulled out the silver aeron chair and settled into the supple leather seat, her elbows on the desk, her hands under her chin. The deafening silence in her quarters, of space travel in general, seemed to taunt her, a stark ever-present reminder she was not on the sea, not home. With an unconscious sigh a measure of tension escaped into the stillness. She opened the top drawer and pulled out a single sheet of paper and began to write.

Dear Father,

I’m sorry it has been a few days since my last correspondence. So much has happened in the last week I hardly know where to start. Rog has been terribly injured in a confrontation with our captives. We are fearful his wounds may be fatal. Trev has done everything he can, but we need outside help. Mairi has been abducted and Kyra and Von have left in the Pod to find her. Yul is beside herself. You know how she hates being helpless. Trev seems rather depressed. We are all under a great deal of stress. If only you were here, I know I would find the comfort I seek.

I know I say it all the time, but I miss you terribly. Please tell Sam I miss him too. Every time I stand in front of my window I feel as if I’m transported to the ship and I would be lying if I didn’t say my heart sinks just a little lower knowing with each passing day we move further and further apart. Soon, I hope, we will find a place to settle. And then father, you and Sam can come and join us. Just you wait and see the welcome party I have planned for you two. Believe me, I’ve had plenty of time to prepare every minute detail. I’d tell you more, but I don’t want to spoil the surprise.

I’d better get some rest now. You know how Pinky gets if I stay up too late. Besides, with all that is going on, I want to be ready if they need me. I love you father and I think of you every day. Give Sam a rub for me and make sure you take him with you to the bow. He so loves to stick his nose in the breeze.

Love,

Em

As she did most nights, Em folded the paper in precise thirds, just like father had taught. She no longer needed to measure. She slid the letter into its envelope, turned it around and sealed it with a kiss. Flipping it over, she laid the letter on her desk and gently pressed it down, running her fingers from left to right with firm pressure. Her letters were sealed like the bunks on her father’s ship; one could bounce quarters off them.

Reaching again for her pen, Em addressed the letter and in the upper corner where postage would normally go, she wrote the number 163. She hesitated just for a moment, her eyes scanning the missive, weighing it in her hands as if somehow she could mentally imbue the correspondence with the essence of her love. Kissing the letter, she opened the left hand drawer and placed the letter neatly behind number 162. Each letter stood silently at attention, all in proper order, all waiting patiently like stone soldier on station, waiting for their call to action.

Categories: Story, Emy, Letters, Bravo